Three Hoodies Save the World

Constant moaning and whinging about everything

Archive for the month “December, 2013”

Here is my interview with Queen of Spades ( Monica F. Brown-Martinez )

A terrific interview.

authorsinterviews

Name:  Queen of Spades

Age:  Um…how old do you think I look? (lol)

Where are you from?  I’m originally from Mississippi, but I’m currently residing in New Jersey.

A little about your self `ie your education Family life etc?

I’d like to do a slight variation from this: a sprinkling of meat and potatoes (basics) with a glass of fruity red wine (fun).

Five basics about me:

1.  I’m from a small town called Summit: population-slightly under 1,700.

2.  I was raised by my grandparents.

3.  I’m a first generation college student and the first in my immediate family to hold two bachelor’s degrees.

4.  My favorite season is Fall with Spring being a close second.

5.  I was born in September, but that’s not the only reason why Fall is my favorite season.

Five fun facts:

1.  Although it is now alright to do single spacing after periods in…

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Complex excuses from Amazon

After changing my royalties payment procedure with Amazon I received a massive payment from Amazon UK (I wish), about four days later. I then wrote a polite letter to Amazon US enquiring when I might be paid by them. The next day I received this:

Hello,

I see that you have changed your payment method and currency from Check in USD
to EFT in GBP in Amazon.com.

When updates are made to your payment details, they will only apply to royalties
collected after the change has been made.

As you currently have royalty earnings that are under the payment threshold, we
have requested a one-time exception to pay these royalties according to the
current currency and payment method selected i.e. EFT in GBP. This process may
take up to 15 business days as it involves complex process and approvals
(currency conversion).

You can expect this payment to be paid out to your bank account in the last week
of January, 2014.

I hope this helps. Thanks for using Amazon KDP.

What kind of financial genius does it require to check the computer for my total sales, deduct their cut and that of the IRS then send me a transfer minus their banker’s fee?

It wouldn’t be because they’re all partying on the fat profit they’re making from us and don’t have anybody sober enough at this time of year to devote the almost five minutes required to calculate the pitiful amount they owe me. For everybody else owed money by Amazon, I wish you luck.

Next year I’m actually going to begin the process of telling the world that I exist and perhaps selling some of the books I’ve spent so long writing.

And to everybody, have a happy and prosperous new year.

My wife’s about to slaughter me.

When I’m at work, my entire day revolves around three things: Looking smart, driving cars, and answering phones.
When I’m on holiday, which I am now, I do none of these. Thus after a week of Christmas holiday my beard is almost down to my ankles (according to she who must be feared) and if I don’t driver her to the shops, stable, best friend’s house, or even worse answer the telephone pretty soon she’s going to end my miserable existence – apparently with a hammer.

There’s plenty of time for all that when I go back to work, so the hairy one has been painting stupid things and dragged Three Hoodies 2 out of the cupboard.
Here’s a selection of both; first the silly painting:
spaceship2

I really should be concentrating on my upcoming book covers but I can’t be bothered.

And here, the first line of Hoodies 2. This series is not for or about young adults so my characters’ language is a little harsh at times. My biggest problem was beating or at least equally the opening line from Hoodies 1. I think I’ve settled on this, but like all writing it may change.

‘You nearly got swallowed by a giant slavering monster then crushed to crap in an earthquake, just for a lump of Iron Pyrite? You’re a total dickhead.’

If I’m not pulped during the night, I’ll be back to my usual blogging nonsense tomorrow.

Finally, royalties

After a more observant member than I of that excellent blogging site Koobug further reinforced what Donna of Believe In Yourself has been saying for weeks I altered my payment method on Amazon.

And now it’s finally happened, after thirty years of writing, although only three since I first published to Amazon: I have received a payment.

It’s not much and certainly not enough for the new Porsche, or to tell the boss what to do with his job, even if I wanted to. And I don’t know yet of how much I’ll be getting from the US where the majority of my sales have been achieved.

I love writing and always will it, yet even if I do ever write a best seller and make a zillion pounds, nothing will ever beat the sweet beauty of this moment.

For all those in blog land, and indeed everywhere else, I hope your Christmas is wonderful and all your dreams come true.
large-smiley-faces

Not much festive spirit from my felines

All day long those two pesky cats have been racing through the house screaming, yelling and tearing chunks out of each other.catchat

This is only my interpretation of their feelings but I don’t think I’m far out.

The only problem is that Sassy (on the right) only has about three teeth and three claws left. There may be trouble ahead.

Good news and, inevitably, bad

The company which let me down so badly last week by not turning up when I had my slight water problem, have just written me a letter saying that after an internal enquiry, they find themselves to be at fault and will subsequently be sending me a cheque for £150. Just in time for Christmas. Not bad. However, this is the second time they’ve left me stranded; the last time being a complete power outage in the middle of winter, whereupon they gleefully told me that they weren’t coming out despite my insurance being valid.
On that occasion they found against me because apparently they’d ceased trading with the insurance company which offered the contract and I should have known despite them telling nobody that it had happened. So thanks, and goodbye.
The bad news? I finally got round to checking Amazon’s ultra fine print and discovered the reason for never getting a penny from them. Apparently the minimum threshold for getting any money out of them is £100 from the UK site and $100 from the US site. The fact that I’ve sold a few books (it’s difficult to tell given their awful accounting system) in both the US and UK means that I have to achieve those thresholds separately. So Unless I sell enough books in both markets then I get nothing. Combined sales across the two markets (as far as I can tell) count for nothing.
I may be wrong and I hope I am, but the end result is the same – nothing.
On a brighter note, my Christmas holidays have just begun. Can’t wait. Loads of writing and eating and my annual bottle of wine with my beloved’s Christmas lunch.
I’m getting into the swing of it now. In fact I’ve even stopped threatening to murder my daughter’s Bengal kitten, till after Christmas day, anyway.

We got water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally the water company found time to reconnect me after their equipment fell apart. It was as if it was my fault, despite the fact that their pipe was six feet under ground. I finally had a bath.

About time, too I hear my wife say.

The only thing is my garden looks like someone dropped a bomb on it. Hopefully they’ll fill it in tomorrow before the entire street subsides.

I also took the time while they were fixing it to finish the next edit of Kongomato two. When someone finds out what I’ve done to Buckingham Palace, Westminster Cathedral and the House of Lords, a little dirt will be the least of my worries.

What the heck; at least the flies have stopped circling my head and gone after more rancid prey.

A happy discovery.

I’ve just about finished yet another edit of Spawn of Kongomato in time for christmas. Wondering what I should do before returning to the first of the next edit of the three books I foolishly began at the same time, I happened upon an old floppy disc the other day, (not a three and a half inch but a five and a quarter inch version) and to my pleasure, discovered a book wot I rit about twenty years ago.

It’s complete rubbish of course but the premise behind the book still excites me just as much as it did when I wrote it, and the fact that I spent over a month researching the technical details has made me decide to write it again.

I’m getting bored with SF but so enjoyed The book of Pain that this will be a good way of writing something else.

Stand by for blood and guts with the only sex scene I ever wrote. I’ll probably trash it this time since they embarass me, and if they do that to me, the writer, I wonder how any reader will react.

It’s called flashback. Can’t wait.

Christmas is coming and I’ve nowhere to hide.

The run up to Christmas is great. All the usual songs on the radio, the excitement of the children, and most of the adults, and the run up to a week or so off work.

It’s just the other stuff that makes me sound like Scrooge. Bills tumbling through the letter box, all those extra pounds and the dark looming days January to look forward to. And I don’t know whether it’s just me but everything bad that’s ever happened to me has happened at Christmas. Two motorbike crashes, nearly croaking from meningitis and my mum dying.

But as I always do I’m going to forget about the previous holidays and enjoy this one. Who knows, maybe this year will be uneventful.

To that end I’ve already begun clearing a space below the fireplace just in case Santa decides to leave me a Porsche. I’m going to leave some extra big biscuits and a glass of sherry for his effort.

Thing went awry.

That’s a stupid word, awry. Doesn’t really mean anything and difficult to pronounce if you’ve never heard it before.

Anyway.

I’ve noticed that lot of americans begin sentences with the word, “So…” In this sceptred isle, we usually say “Anyway.”

Anyway, my plans vis a vis Kevin, my hog didn’t go quite according to plan. Every year over here we have something called an MOT. Another stupid expression since it doesn’t mean anything other than Ministry of transport. But what it translates to is that every vehicle over three years old has to be checked annually to ensure such boring details as brakes and lights work.

Anyway, Kevin failed – oh the embarrassment. Some stupid little mechanism that makes the brake lights come on when I use the front brake is broken.

‘How come you didn’t realise?’ The man said, outraged, as if I ought to ride my bike, leaning backwards over the rear mudguard to make sure the brake lights work, while such minor annoyances as forty ton trucks follow less than a millimetre from my bum.

It was as if the bike was pleading with me: Don’t leeeeeeeeeave me! So I decided there and then that I couldn’t and as if reading my mind, Kevin vented his displeasure, or spite by detonating it’s front headlight bulb all over the MOT inspector – not a happy bunny.

‘Sixty Quid for the bulb, and fifty for the light switch.’ he said with relish while scraping bits of glass from his face. ‘And we haven’t got them in stock so we’ll have to order them. Come back in five days.’ I could almost feel the smugness radiating from Kevin’s disfigured front end.

Anyway, now I’ve got to go to work for a week on the tube knowing that my malicious lump of steel is waiting, grinning to itself.

What it doesn’t know is that after a good polish I’m going to bung it in the garage and leave it there until the daffodils appear. I’ll show it who’s boss.

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