Three Hoodies Save the World

Constant moaning and whinging about everything

Archive for the month “June, 2014”

The Zit-man returns.

I believe I may have mentioned this in passing. In fact I know I have; just yesterday in fact. But if I can’t talk about it on my own blog then where can I? As usual my family aren’t interested since my books don’t really feature people sleeping with/killing/marrying/running away with their next door neighbours’ brother, father, dog, best or worst friend. In fact typical soap opera faire.

Thus my new book Spawn of Kongomato is now on sale. I revised it 1.000000000001 times so hopefully it’s good. And as I am not enrolling in KDP I’ve also published with Smashwords and Draft2digital – a really cool and free place, by the way, who also place it with about another six other outlets. Through them I even sold a novel on iTunes a few weeks ago.

Natch, I hope I sell a zillion copies but ultimately I just like to write, thus the sixth edit of Book of Pain begins tomorrow. I’m regaining some sensation in my fingers and I believe I see the slightest trace of new skin forming. Maybe the penicillin is working after all – I hope so. Zit Man has to go back to work tomorrow, and luckily I work for an internet based company so visitors are rare, non-existent in fact – just like the revenue from my novels for the last two weeks.

Who cares, I never liked Porsche’s, anyway.


Finally it’s done.

I’m free – for a week or so.
After (hopefully) improving the cover, I’ve finally uploaded Spawn of Kongomato to Amazon where it is now on sale. With twelve consecutive edits in two months the computer’s about done for.

That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on improving it but I think it’s just about right. Of course if someone buys it and threatens to firebomb England unless I change this or that, then I’ll definitely consider it. But for now, I’m taking a few days off.

Not that I have much choice – I’m a walking zit, I’m the zittiest of zits. I barely have any skin left because I’ve been scratching all night. There’s a twenty foot high pile of skin next to the bed. Penicillin? Hah! Rubbish. When my doctor’s results come back in a week/year I’ll find out if I really do have Scarlet Fever. But knowing me it’ll be something so obscure no one’s ever heard of it before and they’ll have to quarantine the entire continent. Even my offspring’s cats are avoiding me, not that that’s a bad thing.

So it’s time for a spot of painting before The Book of Pain. I’m looking forward to that, always providing I can see my keyboard through the opaque flurries of drifting skin.

And yet again, I never got to use two really elegant phrases I’ve been dying to write. I’ve been saving them to slip in to a novel, casually showing the world just what a wordsmith I truly am. Maybe I’ll insert them into B/O/ P.
Pretentious – moi? Sûrement pas.



At my age – I can’t believe it!

Finally, I didn’t think the day would come, but I’ve finally finished spawn Of Kongomato. It’s finished. I just wanted to say that again to remind myself.

I’ll upload it tomorrow and take a whole week off before beginning the edits of either The Book of Pain, or Old Geezers 2.
Or maybe I won’t. It could only happen to me. Only I, at my advance age could contract something as stupid as Scarlet fever. Me!

I’ve had it for a week but just thought I had some kind of bug; there are always about fifty floating around London. It was only when I got up this morning and saw the awful image of myself in the mirror (it’s always awful, but today even more horrifying) that I saw the spots – several million of them.

While trying not to laugh the doctor prodded me from afar and told me her prognosis. Scarlet fever! I mean, really.

Still, I refuse to be downhearted. I’ve finally finished.

Just be sure to wipe your keyboards when you read this. Can’t be too careful.

Here’s the cover unless I change my mind again.

My first royalty cheque – yahaay

A red letter day.
It was actually white but you get my drift.

I’ve received royalty payments from Amazon before, and Smashwords and a few other places, but today CreateSpace, which, of course is owned by Amazon, sent me an actual cheque and have graciously waved any fee since it was their mistake.

The only reason I went to all the trouble of converting my novels into paperback was because in England, if I want to see my MS as a paperback I have to spend a king’s ransom and buy at least one hundred. With C/S all I have to do is upload the copy and buy one for whatever price I set it. I didn’t actually expect to sell any.

However I have – 3 and they’ve sent me a cheque. Behold:


That’s about $4 I think. In the big boys league now.

I’m not going to put this in the bank, I’m going to frame it and stick it on the wall.

Done again, and so will I if I don’t stop.

I may just have said this before but I’ve finished the ten millionth or so edit of Spawn Of Kongomato. Hurray!

Except that I still noticed a lot of mistakes, so just because I’m a real dweeb according to She who must not be annoyed, I’m going to begin all over again. I’m so looking forward to editing the other three novels which are still waiting impatiently, screaming accusingly at me. But finally I think I’ve almost got it. One more run through shouldn’t take more than a week or two – maybe.

I quite like this one. It’s really the first of my novels that I have liked. Whether that’s a good thing or not remains to be seen, but I’m determined not to let this one go out with a single mistake. I really should get someone to tie my hands behind my back because I’ve already begun another one. Another swerve into the supernatural. I’m beginning to get the hang of it now. No PG this one; it’s going to be R all the way through. Can’t wait. I may have completed the cover for it already. A bit rough but a little reminder of how it will begin.


That tree on the right will have to go. And the one on the left. Can’t think what I was thinking about when I drew them. come to think of it I won’t be thinking, or doing anything pretty soon, according to my wife. She’s of the opinion that not being able to see out of the kitchen window for the grass is a bad thing. It’s only five feet tall. Some people would pay for such a glorious lawn.

WIP Bloghop

I’ve been nominated by Kay Kaufman to be in the WIP Blog Hop. The rules are to answer some questions and nominate others. You can find her always terrific blog here: Kay
What is the name of your character? Is he/she fictional or a historic person?
My main character is called John Hendry. He’s a complete figment of my odd and some say, sick mind.

When and where is the story set?
It is set in London, where I live and where the previous novel in this series began. I sometimes wish it was a little more lively, but I wouldn’t like it to go quite this far.

What should we know about him?
Hendry is vain and sometimes selfish man who is trying to get over being tricked by the woman he once loved who also tried to murder him. All of which is linked to his rather odd profession, which is the search for and study of supposedly mythical or extinct creatures. Unfortunately he’s found some but the experience isn’t exactly what he was hoping for.

What is the main conflict and what messes up his life?
He’s been a user for his entire life, and that knowledge of it doesn’t sit well, since he knows, deep down, that if ravenous monsters were not laying waste to London, he probably wouldn’t have changed – and he hates himself for it.

What is the personal goal of the character?
Primarily to rid London of the awful beasts flying above and devouring the people below. But now he’s found a woman he could finally love. He also wants to repay his lifelong friend whose life he nearly ended in the first book of this series.

Is there a working title for this novel and can we read more about it?
I’ve pretty much settled for Spawn of Kongomato. This creature is supposedly real but all the other names by which it’s known are pretty tame, so I selected the one variety of it which is considered the most deadly and horrible. Here’s a passage where some carefully laid plans go a tad awry.

‘Approaching the door now.’
A dull scraping noise was followed by the metallic sound of more heavy debris being shoved aside.
‘Opening now.’ Another jarring scrape of wood followed, and juddered Bell’s camera again before the image stabilised and now Hendry could clearly see the tunnel as Bell jerkily made his way towards the final room – to where the bodies all were.

The rending screech echoing from the other side of the river was not nearly as loud as the agonising feedback from his earpiece, the incredible volume causing him wince and immediately overbalance. With a cry he fell onto his backside, the headphones plug jerked free of the camera as his head connected with something sharp and solid. Tears filled his eyes temporarily leaving him floundering amid the collection of equipment at his feet.

He struggled, petrified at the enormous scintillating glow preceding another, even louder shriek, hideously amplified and immediately transporting him back to those very recent days when he’d been trapped in that pit from hell. Hendry could barely think. One moment complete silence, the next mayhem. Climbing shakily to his feet and almost gibbering with terror he immediately fell back again as something bright green and huge leapt from the dark opening less than one hundred yards away, its speed and immense size terrifying. Again he shrank back; quivering until seconds later some vestige of sanity commanded him to look up.

Shrieking furiously into the night sky, the monster he’d thought and preyed was dead, hovered malignantly. Its enormous wings had to be at least thirty feet from tip to tip and glowing that same unearthly green colour, while from a beak at least eight feet long, issued the fearsome screech he knew so well. These were no chicks. They were almost as large as their dead parents had been. How could they have grown so quickly? It was barely two weeks since he’d seen them crawling from their eggs.

I’d like to thank Kay and nominate:
Donna Yates.
Joleene Naylor

Review time!

An interesting book.

Suddenly they all died. The end.

cotsI’ve been reading again the last few weeks, something I really should do more of.  I used to always have my nose in a book, but now trying to find time to escape into another world so completely when there are so many other demands on my time is just exhausting.  I really do need to make more of an effort, though, because reading more (and widely) is one of the best, easiest, and most entertaining ways to improve my own writing.

With that in mind, behold the glory that is City of the Sun by Juliana Maio.  This fantastic book is set in Cairo during WWII, which is one of my favorite periods to study, the Holocaust in particular.  I love reading accounts of what it was like living under Nazi rule because it’s so different from what I know, and it terrifies me to think that people can…

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