Three hoodies save the world

Constant moaning and whinging about everything

Archive for the month “May, 2015”

The block struck again – so I painted.

I’ve been doing so much writing of late (when I was supposed to be working) that I haven’t been able to do any this weekend. So I did this. It’s a little infantile but might possibly be the prototype of my final Old Geezers novel. I doubt I’ll keep it all but it was fun.

Geezers35

It’s been so much fun blowing stuff up that I’m really going to struggle to find something to do next. With winged monsters eating London, my three old gits destroying the world and the Three Hoodies pretty much everything else I’ll have to think for a while. I’ll publish all of the remaining novels of my three trilogies a little later this year to clean the board.

What’s next?

Can’t wait to see what trickles through the rancid sewers of my mind.

Phase two of my worldwide (well, Pinner) advertising campaign.

flyer2

After a week of advertising my wares to the huddled masses I can report my sales figures. They are fewer than I’d hoped but just as I’d expected. I sold a grand total of none.

I shall not be thwarted.

I hate it wen I’m thwarted.

In case you were wondering, that’s my pitiful little flyer at seven o’clock, below the singing lessons and next to the Zumba lessons. What’s Zumba?

Come to think of it, that blu-tack is more artistic than my book cover. Maybe time for a rethink. Blu-tack based horror? That gives me an idea.

Friday Finds: Week 35

Even more great stuff.

Avid Reader

Hello! This is week 35 of Friday Finds! Friday Finds is basically “the place where you will get all your fandom related news (that means book news and their movies news) and your writing/blogging news”. If you want more info, and you want to see all the other weeks’ news, click here. Now let’s get this show on the road! Here are all the Friday Finds of this week, from last Saturday to today.

Writing/Blogging News:

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The Versatile Blogger Award

the-versatile-blogger-award

Today I’ve been awarded the Versatile blogger Award, by Joleene Naylor whose gorgeous Amaranthine novels are free for today only.

What the recipients of the award are to do is give seven fun facts about themselves and then in turn award it to others whom they believe to be just as deserving. So here are my fun facts, or in my case things that have happened due to my innate clumsiness.

I’ve watched NCIS so often that I know every word of dialogue in every single episode.

I once tossed a snowball at an enormous elk in Norway, only to discover that it was not nearly as enormous as its mother which uprooted four pine trees in her eagerness to tear out my lungs. Luckily I was on skis and scuttled off laughing, only to smash into a tree myself.

It took me almost twenty years to realise that every single episode of Scooby Doo had exactly the same plotline.

I once lost Gladys (my Landrover) over the side of an aircraft carrier during a force twelve gale. Luckily I didn’t get into trouble because my CO’s helicopter was the culprit after it was torn from its shackles and rammed Gladys into the North Sea as it went over. Good thing, too since my clutch was burnt out and I was trying to find a way of blaming someone else.

I was once caught in a traffic jam for three hours and finally became bored enough to tell a police officer that the missiles I was carrying on my truck would blow up if I didn’t keep the air flow going over them. After a great deal of shouting he managed to move over three hundred cars out of my way. Good job he didn’t check as they were only dummies.

I’m very old now (according to my daughter) but I still love watching Thunderbirds, and I still fancy lady Penelope.

I was once at a party in Beverley Hills and my boss’s front garden was full of Limo’s, After being ordered to move them by an irate policeman after they’d spilled out onto the road I told a man lounging about outside the house having a cigarette to pull his finger out and help me. An hour later my boss came out and wanted to know if I’d seen Cary Grant who’d come out for a smoke. I disappeared very quickly.

My other recipients are DM Yates
Simon Goodson
Mark R Hunter
Tricia Drammeh
https://avdreader.wordpress.com/

Authors Against Book Piracy Blog Tour: Day Six

Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor

Welcome to day one of the authors against piracy book tour. The point of this tour is to draw awareness to the problem of ebook piracy and to show would-be pirates that there are plenty of places to get free (or cheap), legitimate, legal books. Each day an author (or authors) will be giving away book(s) for free, so be sure to stop by every day this week for some great freebie reads! And be sure to enter the Rafflecopter giveaway for a chance to win a 20$ Amazon gift card!

pirated percentage

The average adult reads/purchases 11 books a year. In thirty years they would have accumulated 330 books. 12% of 330 is roughly 40 – meaning that 40 of those books statistically speaking would be pirated. Imagine if 12% of your ebooks were pirated copies. Would you have more or less than the average?

FREE BOOKS OF THE DAY:

Note:…

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Authors Against Book Piracy Blog Tour: Day Four

Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor

Welcome to day four of the authors against piracy book tour. The point of this tour is to draw awareness to the problem of ebook piracy and to show would-be pirates that there are plenty of places to get free (or cheap), legitimate, legal books. Each day an author (or authors) will be giving away book(s) for free, so be sure to stop by every day this week for some great freebie reads! And be sure to enter the Rafflecopter giveaway for a chance to win a 20$ Amazon gift card!

indie earnings

$1,000 is also roughly the average cost to rent a one bedroom apartment (in a city center) for one month. In one year, the average indy author makes enough to pay one month’s rent, meanwhile Attributor estimates lost revenue across the industry from pirated books at  $2,800,000 a year. That’s a lot of rent payments.

FREE BOOKS OF THE DAY:

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Blog or website?

I’ve had a website for years. It’s called threehoodies.com. It doesn’t cost much and it attracts droves of people, all of whom buy huge clusters of books.

Except it doesn’t, and they don’t; and even if it did I wouldn’t know because it’s not compatible with Google Analytics.

I just watched a cool Youtube video (the address of which I’ve lost in my usual clumsy fashion) explaining how to make your Blogger page into a professional looking website for absolutely nothing. The good part, as if that’s not good enough, is that you don’t have to mess with any HTML. That’s really good because I used to have another blog on Blogger which got lost forever after I messed with the HTML.

So I’ve cancelled it, the actual contract doesn’t run out until November this year, since I pay by the year, but I’ll leave it for a couple of weeks and check to see if it still works. Some/most domain providers offer software to design one’s own point and click site, cool enough to make the masses swoon with envy. Mine didn’t even after I told them to wedge it.

What I intend to do is pay for a WordPresss domain name. I’m not entirely sure about this because WP and I have never really got on and it often loses things or simply refuses to let me post a blog.

Have I made a bad decision? I don’t even know if I’ll ever find out since I have no idea if a single person ever visited my old site in the first place, and I didn’t sell books directly from it after my debit card being cloned about a decade ago after using PayPal. I’m sure they’ve made it more secure by now but I still can’t bring myself to do it.

Has anyone else ever abandoned their own site in favour of their blog? And if you did was it a good decision?

I felt like I was doing something illegal

Here’s my book posted on the bridge with all the other flyers in my village. At first I felt like I was doing something illegal until I looked around to absolutely nobody taking any notice of me. I also put the flyer in a local shop which advertises everything on it’s front window.s

So if they can find someone who wants a Somalian, polish speaking nanny then surely there must be someone who’ll see and want to buy my book. The shop add cost me £10 for five weeks, meaning I’ll have to sell about fifteen books to break even, but you know about spending and speculating and all that jazz.

If it works my next post will be from my new private jet on the way to the Bahamas. Or, more realistically, I’ll let you know tomorrow from my poky little writing hole at the top of the house, surrounded by bats, and the cobwebs, and the things that go slither when it’s really dark.
flyer

I know, it’s a bit pathetic, but if I cover someone else’s poster up then they’ll just rip mine down.

It’s day one of the Authors and Bloggers Against Piracy tour!

Suddenly they all died. The end.

2018 piracy

That’s a pretty startling statistic, isn’t it?

The purpose of the Authors and Bloggers Against Piracy blog tour is pretty self-explanatory, really.  We’re a group of like-minded individuals working to raise awareness of book piracy and its effects, and we’re giving away a load of free books – and a $20 Amazon gift card – in the process!

Info + free books + a chance to win $20 = one great time!  To enter the Rafflecopter giveaway, click here!

Today’s free books are Wanderer’s Escape by Simon Goodson and Beyond the Eyes by Rebekkah Ford.

Wanderer’s Escape
Wanderers-Escape-Cover-Free4Jess was born a prisoner, grew up a prisoner and at sixteen knew he would die a prisoner. When his turn comes to try to break through the traps protecting a spaceship it seems his day to die has come. The ship, and others like it, have already claimed hundreds of prisoners’…

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Duuuuuuuh; I’m such a dork.

Like many other self published authors I’ve been trying (mainly without success) to spread the word about my books. I’ve heard all the ideas and tried a lot but today I was walking through the village where I live and crossed a small bridge upon which all manner of small and large posters advertise things as diverse as Amateur Dramatics, Yoga for three year-olds and playgroups for kittens; in fact all the stuff you get in smaller places outside the main cities.

Upon scanning it as I always do for cheap motorbikes and computers I happened upon a small flyer from a self published author advertising his new book on amazon.

Why oh why didn’t I think of it before? I’ve heard it at least a thousand times but never actually got around to it.

So now I have with The Book of Pain

It took me almost an hour to work out how to do it in in the ever-helpful M/S Word and tomorrow I’ll get it printed and laminated at the local print shop and hang one there, and the rest in the surrounding areas of outer West London. Who knows.

I tried to transfer it to My Pictures so I could give you a look but either I’m too stupid or it doesn’t work so I’ll take a photo when it’s up.

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