Three hoodies save the world

Constant moaning and whinging about everything

Archive for the month “March, 2016”

Should have stayed in bed.

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I knew one of us was having a bad day when I went into the first shop.
    Let me say here and now that I hate shopping. I don’t want to generalise but my alleged wife and daughter live to shop. If something doesn’t drop through the door or get left in the garage, behind the dustbin, deposited with a neighbour or both return home, bones creaking under the weight of all the purchases they’ll never use – or even open, then for them, the day has been a waste.
     I always find what I want on the net, discover where it’s being sold for the least amount of money, then go and get it – just it, then return home delighted with a truly rewarding day. Boring? Probably, but that’s just me and my limited expectations fulfilled.
    On this occasion I broke my own rule. I went shopping. It’s Easter and there are any number of shops begging to give away their entire stock for almost nothing, so avarice overtook common sense. I also wanted to discover the answer to my telephone problem for which the call centre could not assist me with since none of them apparently speak English; or at least a version I understand. But first I went into a watch shop.
     “The battery has run out on my watch.”
     “I can fit another one for you,” offered a keen young man, whom to my elderly eye  should still have been in junior school.
     “No thanks,” I said, because whenever you put a new battery in a watch, it’s usually been lying in the shop since 1850 and only lasts about two months and they usually muck up the waterproof seal upon fitting it, “have you got any automatics?”
  A fairly simple question I would have thought, but the infant’s face clouded, mouthing the clearly alien words silently.
    “You know, one of those watches that doesn’t have a battery but doesn’t need winding up.” I waited, stifling a smile as the youth’s brain churned. “I quite like Seiko,” I said helpfully.
    “Ah, yes,” he smiled after another minute or so, “we’ve got some Seiko Kinetics.” His grin widened. “They’re all powered by the sun, so even at night they’re still charging.”
     Maybe it was his first day on the job but his smile wavered somewhat as I sidled from the shop and went to the place I wanted to go to get the answer to my phone problem before the shopping binge commenced.
    They all spoke English there, thus I launched into my question, the one that’s been bugging me for weeks, to a polite and attentive staff, and left the shop ten minutes later as no one knew what I was talking about but suggested an alternative answer that obviously a retarded microbe could have come up with. Dump the phone and buy another. It’s only five hundred quid with a paltry two week wait until it’s delivered.

My mind’s made up – probably

I knew I said that I was going to take a year off writing to learn to paint. Here’s an example of my pitiful progress if it can be called that.
    Here’s how I see my Old Geezers, and Amon, he’s the one in the middle, still looks like a mutant, but I’m working on it.
Geezersface
The only problem is, no matter how hard I try to forget it, more and more of book four of Kongomato keeps occurring to me. Ultimately I suppose I’ll just start writing again, especially as I’ve found a new site with hundreds of ready-made covers, and all for a really reasonable price. What’s more, they’re all much better than I could ever produce.
Here’s a link for any more would-be painters who know they’re just never going to cut the mustard.

Deja – what?

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‘So what do you think, then?’
I may have touched on this subject before now. If my wife had, then she would remember, even what she was wearing, what she’d just watched on tv and what the weather was like twenty five years ago when the conversation had begun. Me, just a mortal man, I hadn’t a clue. Was “she” once again referring to a conversation we’d begun about a decade before and just expected me to remember where we left off, just as she always does?
After almost thirty three years of marriage I can barely remember my own name by the time I get home from work, let alone what a long gone character in her favourite soap spluttered as his life was cut short by another character whose name I don’t remember, and frankly don’t give a ….’
‘Should we go, or not?’
For most people the obvious answer would be to ask what she was talking about, smiling at the same time to show there was no ill-will.
That would be the kiss of death for me, for it would show that not only had I not been listening, but furthermore I didn’t care and just like my darling spawn is always accusing me of, wished she were dead.
I pondered briefly as to whether I should ask innocently or pretend to be asleep or dead. I tried the dead thing once and it worked fine for a few minutes, but the only problem with particular ploy is that one has to come back to life eventually.
‘What was that, my darling, my linnet?’
She turned to me, the gentle smile quickly transmogrifying into a grimace of icy malice.
At that moment the phone rang, and if there’s nothing more important to my beloved, even than say WW3 or an earthquake or a sink hole opening beneath the house, its the call of the “phone.”
She seems to have forgotten the question for the moment but until she remembers, probably right at the best part of NCIS I’ll rack what’s left of my brains to come up with a positive response. Yes seems to work most of the time

My whole life is a lie.

Geezersface I’ve always believed myself to be moderately bright. My IQ easily achieves double figures, and I can cross the road (usually) without being splurged under a truck.
So, I thought, now that I’ve finally got Windows 10 I’ll take advantage of KRITA, an alternative to GIMP but a lot more powerful.
That’s where the problems began. The learning curve on that particular piece of software is probably going to take longer than I have left on this planet. Don’t get me wrong; it is a superb piece of software; very powerful and full of gizmos and gimmickry that I’d probably find useful if I had another fifty years to live.
So I’ve gone back to GIMP. I like it and have been using it for a decade(ish). I’ve come up with this, Chet, a character from my Old Geezers trilogy. I’ll do the other two next.

I’ve scoured the net for an alternative and as I have a few quid at the moment, if anyone knows of a cheap alternative except Photoshop for me to try, I’d love to hear about it.
This large font isn’t just another symptom of my advanced decreptitude, but Windows 10 (spit) forces me to use it as the normal font is now sub-microscopic.

 

Character of the Week: Andrei

Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor

41-andreiAndrei

Hair: Golden Brown
Eyes: Dark Brown
Height: 6’1”
Turned: 12 AD

A rich vampire with an acute business sense. Every fifty years he hosts exclusive parties for vampiredom’’s elite, but this year he demands extra security. Is he really worried about an extinct cult, or is it a political power play to help Canada get an independent Guild?

Where You’ll Meet Him:
Masque of the Vampire

FRONT COVER smallAnd don’t forget that you can pre-order book 8, Masque of the Vampire, from all major ebook outlets:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Apple iBooks |Kobo

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I #AmWriting

Tricia Drammeh

If someone asked me, I’d tell them I haven’t written anything in three months, but that isn’t entirely true. I haven’t written as much as I would like. I haven’t worked on the projects I feel I should be working on. But I’ve written. (A little.)

To tell you the truth, I’ve been down on myself lately. Between chronic pain, exhaustion, and other life challenges, I barely write at all. I spend more time sleeping than on my laptop, and when I am on my laptop, I’m usually scrolling through Facebook instead of writing.

Months ago, I set a goal to finish the fourth book (Nightbound) in the Spellbringers series. I wanted to finish the book by the end of 2016. It didn’t happen. I’m still only about halfway through. Every time I sell a copy of Unbound (Book Three), I feel guilty because I haven’t worked on Nightbound since…

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Discount Days for Read an eBook Week!

You don’t get this kind of offer everyday.

Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor

Read an Ebook Week 16 Banner

It’s Read an Ebook Week! To celebrate the upcoming release of Masque of the Vampire, ALL the Amaranthine books have special discount so you can get caught up before April first!

Book 1: Not suitable for tweens. Hunted by a coven of vampires, Katelina has only one person she can trust: Jorick. But when her knight in shining armor turns out to be one of the monsters she has to examine her perceptions of good and evil to survive

ALWAYS FREE

Book 2:After the events of Shades of Gray, Katelina and Jorick seek peace but it’s hard to come by. Kateesha plans to fight the same battle as Jorick’s fledgling, but a common enemy isn’t enough to overcome past betrayals. Drawn into a deathly conflict, Jorick and Katelina must learn to overcome old regrets, or risk loosing their future to the ghosts of their past.

FREE WITH CODE RAE50

Book 3:It’s time…

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Sales and stuff.

My daughter went to, is in New York and enjoying herself. But if not for the timely intervention by the manager of her small hotel near Times Square she and her friend would be infinitely poorer. Upon hearing the taxi driver attempting to gouge them for more than $180 for the trip from JFK he went outside, threatened the man with the police and settled for $60. He’s on my Christmas card list. London cabbies are just the same charging innocent tourists £150 for the trip into town from Heathrow.

As to sales. I received several hundred hits on Amazon KENP. I’ve looked on the forum and nobody seems to have heard of anybody actually receiving money for this; and if that’s the case then why is it there I wonder. I did get five sales. If that’s a direct result then it’s fine. The only problem is I can’t discover if one is related to the other.

The last thing beloved daughter said before leaving for her holiday: “Oh Daddy, darling,” I knew it was going to be something bad because that blithe tone only enters her voice when she’s destroyed something irreplaceable or upset someone even I, an ex martial arts instructor wouldn’t mess with. “one of the tyres on my car is a little low. Could you just pop to the garage and top it up?” Then she was gone. I’ll give her blithe spirit. £110 for a new tyre. I’d like to get hold of the person who invented impossibly uncomfortable and hugely expensive run-flat tyres and… well spoil his day with a hammer.

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