I wos mugged.
Ex Royal Marine, ex martial arts instructor, ex bodyguard and I was mugged yesterday.
I’ll tell you what; never again am I going to give fruit and apples to my daughter’s hoard of monsters. Who could have known that a mutant Shetland pony carried the mass of an out-of-control bulldozer. I’d have expected it of her two giant brainless horses, but the hamsters sized equine fiend?
Even Louis, who in human years is approaching one hundred and fifty years old sent me flying, head butted me, nearly bit off my arm and sent me hurtling into a pile of horse droppings I’d missed earlier whilst poo-picking the field.
Together they made almost one thousand pounds of lunging flesh, all demanding and tearing my pockets for another piece of carrot.
My daughter’s boyfriend made this film but I can’t show the whole thing because there’s just a little bit of swearing.
If they come near me again I’ll be eating curry for a month.