Three Hoodies Save the World

Constant moaning and whinging about everything

Archive for the month “December, 2016”

I didn’t get socks

After all my carping about getting socks for Christmas – again. I got something else. I got underwear!!!!
I also got something else. Perhaps my whining was a little over the top.

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Tales of the Executioners: Lisiantha

Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor

Now available!

llisiantha-special-cover

FREE!*

After a bad breakup, Lisiantha returns to her rural coven. Dreading a run in with her ex, Josh, she soon has more important things to worry about: her master made a mistake and a warring coven wants her blood. Can Lisiantha and Josh find a way to save her – and maybe rekindle an old love in the process? Even vampires enjoy a Hallmark-style Christmas special.

Smashwords | Amazon | Apple iTunes

*Sadly, Amazon is charging $.99 😦

View original post

Tales of the Executioners: Lisiantha

Amaranthine by Joleene Naylor

Now available!

llisiantha-special-cover

FREE!*

After a bad breakup, Lisiantha returns to her rural coven. Dreading a run in with her ex, Josh, she soon has more important things to worry about: her master made a mistake and a warring coven wants her blood. Can Lisiantha and Josh find a way to save her – and maybe rekindle an old love in the process? Even vampires enjoy a Hallmark-style Christmas special.

Smashwords | Amazon | Apple iTunes

*Sadly, Amazon is charging $.99 😦

View original post

This is what I want for christmas

In no particular order I want: a new computer with windows 11, or at least something better than 10, a new Harley, a new 911 Porsche, a big, but really massive win on the lottery because in England, at least, it’s paid in full immediately and is not subject to tax. I would also like a google pixel phone, or at least a phone that works. All it has to do is make a noise when someone wants me and lasts for more than twenty minutes without recharging. What I would really like is a cruise around the Caribbean islands, and my own boat, a cigarette preferably. I would like to go back and live in Monaco, but this time as a rich layabout.
I’d love a private helicopter – that went mach two – and bills that paid themselves. Talking of tax, I’d like to be made the boss of the Inland Revenue so I could fire them all and never pay tax ever again.

But what I’ll get this year, just like every, every other year, is socks. Has anyone ever, in the history of the world ever uttered the phrase “Oooh, great, socks?”
Every year it gets harder and harder to put real sincerity in my voice.

I’ve been painting again.

nightcliff2

Oh, yes; there’s another thing I’d like. I know I’d have to sell all the above presents just to afford it, but I’d like to have Photoshop – and a little bit of actual painting ability.

Oodles of noodles

I was eating dinner tonight; something, my wife assured me, was both healthy and morally commendable.
But I wonder if anyone can tell me what free range noodles actually are.

noodles

I haven’t been as confused since my wife made me buy Kosher baked beans. Am I going mad, or just being left behind?

Snow joke.

I know that death is nature’s little way of telling you to slow down, but this time I think it’s out to do the job itself.

Being the good law abiding citizen that I am I was not speeding the other night on the way home, even though the urge to go warp three after an extra specially long day pressed me to do so. Thus I was tooling along at a steady 50 mph when an enormous truck hurtled past me at about seventy five and in in it’s wake dropped something that whizzed past my head close enough that I could hear the whine of impending death.

terrified-face

Then yesterday, as always when it rains, just like every other motorcyclist, I was keeping at least one eye on the road for those pretty but lethal puddles of luminescence that indicates a leaking diesel tank. After successfully dodging one of them I was hit in the eye by a wandering horsefly. I thought nature’s creatures were supposed to know when summer’s over and die decently. This one almost took both of us out.

If it’s not my daughter (allegedly) running my wallet dry, the roads doing their best to do me in, or other motorists too busy texting to keep their minds on something as mundane as actually driving in a straight line now even the wildlife is out to get me. It could just be paranoia but after a giant, and I mean huge deep sea gull; a colossal Herring gull I believe, either got blown of course or just decided to come in shore for a little fun and and get me, I’m beginning to believe the opposite. It will take weeks to get his calling card off my new jacket.

Christmas…bah humbug.

Hell’s angle

Sitting at the traffic lights tonight on my less than manly scooter, a biker pulled up beside me. With a peanut helmet and beard down to his knees he certainly looked the part. Jeans that hadn’t been washed, well ever, and a ragged Harley Davidson leather jacket, proved that he meant business. And from the fearless expression on his face the lack of goggles showed me that he sneered, nay scoffed at insects or other flying debris impacting his exposed eyelids. After glaring at me just once he turned back to wait for the green light, then roared off.
The only thing to mar this display of rampant manhood was the tiny little Honda 125 on which he sat that even my scooter could have blown away. I considered doing it just from spite but didn’t want to ruin his day.

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