A bit of a let down.
I usually begin my books with vulgar dialogue or something exciting, such as: “Interstellar war was not at the top of David’s schedule as he jumped excitedly out of bed.” – Three Hoodies Save The world.
Or “Transforming two hundred retired gentlefolk into silent assassins had been no easy task.” – Old Geezers, The Gateway.
So the opening paragraph from my new novel is a bit of a let down. It’s not going to be like any of my others. This time I’m going for parody. It will contain black humour and quite a bit of swearing. I wonder if the first paragraph has an inkling of what’s to come, or is just too boring?
“Arnold Pratt slumped before the television. Nothing new there; he always slumped, whether it was at home or at work, or even on the rare occasions he had enough money, or the inclination to go to the pub. Before him flickering mindlessly, was over eighty channels of pure drivel. A large portion of it devoted to sport. All everybody seemed to talk about was sport; especially football. Pratt hated football. Or would have done if he possessed the energy to hate anything. Hatred and loathing required energy; something which seemed to have deserted him. Deep down, he knew that if he calculated when his passion for life had gone it would bring him to a conclusion he really didn’t want to think about. For if he did, then he would have to do something about it. Something fundamental.”
I’ll probably change it a dozen times before I’m finished but I wanted to build up to the fundamental part in chapter two. I don’t know. I’ll work on it.